I think it may have been a mistake but I have been inundated with Jolly christmas cards, whatsapp’s and countless images of a puppy biped in the epicentre of a psychedelic pastoral Musical or something. What is going on, I asked the nearest and some of the Dearest? It was Dr Dov who hit the nail on the head. Your fault Medici, he said, you elected to respond to your Audience and personalised some of your relationships while selectively illustrating a very few of the park members in your most recent Musings. Of course all the others want a Mention, afterall: you are famous and who doesn’t want a bit of publicity and some of your famosity albeit, vicarious, huh? So don’t rush around Mouthing exclamation marks of incredulity, get to it. What, I replied question Mark (Ed: now, now relax ?s are good and essential), there are publisher’s stats showing that I have written about Seventy park canines, ten assorted Avians, porcines, felines and rodents, Sciuridae included. Sure, said Dr Dov I cant tell you how many Patients attribute their maladies to complete and utter confusion as a result of trying to keep tabs on the cast of characters in these, your loquacious Musings. More even than Dr Zhivago** But not as many as the bibble being about 3237 characters but my reportage is fact-based and all characters truly do Exist. Except Pablo, who finished living a few years ago and will soon be the name of a park Bench. Here goes.
Ah, Tracey the truly liberated Aussiecattler canine sent me a photograph of herself in Character with the usual foul mouthed greeting for this time of the year. I am not too sure of what it is she is saying in her Pose but it may well be a lashing out at her male Colleagues. They never invite her down to the pub after a heavy day Cattle minding. Rumour has it that she is not only marginalised because she breaks union code and just efficiently finishes the job, but also beats them at Armwrestling.
Rabbi Isiah ben McDougal has sent me a card from the interfaith NGO which says plainly, season’s Greetings. No pictures of babies in the spotlight, interested farm animals, incredulous fathers or exhausted Mothers. An adept unemotional statement that he is neither a believer nor for that matter Emotionally involved: just a wisher of good none specific Tidings. He is doing his duty showing all that he may not be a believer in the Miracle man, but a true leader nonetheless, with responsibilities for amongst other things, Keeping the peace. He never mentions his total rejection and Disqualification of me from his spiritual path: insisting that he will not entertain me until full genital Mutilation as described in Abrahams chat with Big D-g in the sky. He refuses even to Entertain the proposition that a Ballectome surely counts as a circumcision. Alas, when your life’s almanac is the Book of Lies, there is no creative departure possible.
Then the Greeks. They are Really feeling left out; not having appeared for a year or two. I have apologised profusely but explained that until they come down to the pond and Fraternise fully with all of us, in caninese there will be little to report. Rosetta considers it unnecessary to learn Greek on account of being busy with marsupialese as a result of the rumour of immigration of Kangaroos. But, they have gone the whole generous hog and sent me a Greek class photo and not only Kala Christougena but included the whole dodokaimero as well. So for the twelve days I shall be thinking of them accordingly. Maybe they will come to the fore, next Olympic games after the french Fiasco.
Meantime I am fast coming to the conclusion that for New year I shall collate and illustrate the cast of Characters who contribute to my full life in the park. Relax there will be no references to any bipeds, owner or Otherwise.
A burgeoning parkine population
Suggests a narrative degradation
for literary depth
a narrower breadth
of characters in form and stylisation.
*Note from stylistic consultant to publishers, quote Is this a sign of maturation in the dexterity department? Cautionary note from our stylist department. Dont use this punctuation, rather use language as intended for surprises, incredulity, emphasis, interjections, strong feelings, forceful utterances
** Including Misha Gordon. Amazingly Medici’s bossman’s mother’s family were Gordons clearly not in tam o’shanters, but heroically in babushkarian neckerchiefs, somewhere on a tractor with metal wheels, while the men were all at war.