Outrage is not something commonly associated with the likes of We, Miniature Italian Greyhounds. Neither, for that matter, is Complacency, for we are are a suitably aware and cautiously contented bunch. We know we are intelligent, Beautiful, graceful, affectionate and caring and have been for as Long as history. We are named and even delineated on Pyramid walls, our forebears Mummified and boxed, at rest alongside their contemporary bipedal owners of yesteryear. We appear in a Myriad dynastic grand portraits of all the greats in History, regally. I have penned acres of screen in image and words, attesting to our importance to Caninedom and bipedaldom in all of Time. I have argued in many a learned tractate about our spectacular Evolutionary development with honesty tempered with Humility. Poodle Jean the resident philosopher and the mighty Josephus, Historian to both parks, have endorsed what I wrote: as have my Publishers and their chief editor. My credentials are there, free to read the world over Interwebly. All, transparent and honest demanding nothing more of the Audience than a modicum of literacy. More I cannot do. But I boil and positively seethe as of a few days ago when The beautiful red Setter Deb, the union leader of the park, selflessly pointed me at the current exhibition at the Met of Sienna early Renaissance art. She knows I am an aesthete, for I chose both a female bipedal artist and male bipedal architect as my Owners. I drool over the wonderful Cupcakes she conjures up in her baking kitchen and have been known to exhibit my displeasure at most of his Architecture by pissing in and over it. He calls it marking territory and I naturally don’t correct him: just roll with the flow, as it were. But her cupcakes and paintings: to die for: a calculated risk I take every time I clamber up onto the counter and steal one or three. (Ed: and just where is this all going?)
Then while Sitting quietly pouring over the catalogue of paintings, admiring what they did with Eggs tempera, pigments and brushes, I saw it. Yep that triptych by the misguided Duccio. There lurking in the centre Corner bottom right is one of my direct ancestors staring straight up the skirts of two very confused Medieval (Ed: soon to be renaissance) men. And the nether regions of a diversity of Sheep.
The rest is irrelevant even though the Baby biped only having a life prognosis of 33 years But spawned a huge following (Ed: only to be eclipsed by islam in 800 years time hence). Maybe thats why he is Depicted twice, but I err. It’s my ancestor in that curious constellation of strange Bipeds in 1308 which appalls me. I note the baby is being Safeguarded by farm animals and bathed by not one but two Midwives. It is said, the need for the second was there to attest to the Virgin birth and intactness of the mother. What did they know in 1308? Flanked on two sides are an Ashkenazi Ezekiel and a noticeably darkened Serphadic Isiah. Whew a masterful stroke of PC inclusivity that one, each with an excerpt from Leviticus’ prognostications. Numerous ladies, some with golden hats are looking up and some down. Joseph, in suggestive pink looks a little Old for Mary and pretty pissed off Too. No doubt miffed on the Patriality issue. (Ed: rightly so). Mom seems to be reclining on a red chaise wondering how the Baby got a golden hat and squinting across at the telegram recently couriered by another lady in a Gold hat: airbourne on the right. The Escher rendition of the house : showing inside and out in the same plane requires work and luckily Duccio’s colleagues were able to sort it out later in the century.
But my Ire remains. What about my venerable Grandparent? Did they not realise that he would Evolve no more as he was clearly perfect at the time? Clearly not. Were they so very Naive to believe the deprecating and disgusting references to Caninedom in the book of lies*? Did said ancestor get a sitting fee and sign the Necessary consent forms? I betcha Not. Has bipedaldom done anything, but anything to right the wrongs in this terrible Aberration of history? Nope. (Ed: so Medici, as the sages would have said Nu, was weis a chazzer von lokshen?) I humbly propose that the Met retract the image in favour of the truth.
Those confusing thoughts abound
aided by such silly images around
the almighty
and Mary’s nightie
Fooi, only here is the truth to be found**
*42 times in both testamonticles
**
